Archive for the ‘Modesty’ Category

In case you haven’t heard of them, I’d like to introduce you to a great company called Bondi Band.

Bondi Bands are terrific stay-in-place, wicking headbands (and more) – great for your really active type activities, but also for the daily “marathon”!

And they also believe in giving back…

In an effort to make the world a little better, each year BondiBand picks a charity to donate some of our hard earned profits to.

We are a simple company with a dedication and belief in our product. Our philosophy is to make a great product at a great price and to build relationships one at a time. And as much as we believe in making a tidy profit we also believe in giving back. Each year we donate 10% of our pretax profits to charity. For 2008 we have chosen the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute.

First, let me show you my beautiful girl, wearing an adorable Bondi Band “Pigtail Hat”!

Is that the cutest thing ever, or what?

And also, much to everyone’s amusement, R.T. has also decided that anything Jewel likes that much must be a good thing…

The hat is tough and well made, the color is vibrant… And did I mention adorable? They make a ponytail style, too!

And yes, they sent something for me, as well. Other than suggesting the pigtail hat for Jewel, I didn’t make any requests – typically when you receive samples for review you don’t get to choose…

So, I was beyond delighted when I pulled out a black “original” Bondi Band for me to try, and this was the imprint:

What a caring, thoughtful treat!

I truly enjoyed wearing my Bondi Band, which did an amazing job of staying in place. It was nice not to have to mess with the pair of clips I wear with all the other headcoverings in my current wardrobe.

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Want to get your hands on this? Here’s how!

BUY IT!

Online directly from Bondi Band!

WIN IT!

TWO lucky As For My House readers will win a Bondi Band of their choice!

Make sure to leave your email address with each comment. (Used only to contact the winner. If your email is entered in the form it will be saved for me but not displayed).

1. Head on over to Bondi Band and leave a comment here telling me what you’d like to try!

Extra Entries (leave separate comments for each).

Once you have completed #1, you can earn additional entries by doing any or all of the following. For those worth multiple entries, please leave that number of separate comments – each comment is one entry when I draw a number at the end!

2. Become a Fan of Bondi Band on Facebook.

In additon to these, there are MANY more ways to earn extra entries. You know, all the usual stuff like subscribing to the blog, Tweeting, and so on? Just click over to our Giveaway Policy page for all the details! (You can get an extra entry, for instance, just by entering our other current give-away(s)!)

This giveaway ends Saturday, 7/3 at 11:59pm (Eastern).

The winner will be chosen using random.org and announced on the blog, as well as contacted by email. Winner must respond within 48 hours, or a new winner will be selected. Your goodies will ship directly from the sponsor!

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Comments are now closed. Look for the winner in a separate post, soon!

Our Modest Matron for today is Nina, of alltumbledown: A Modest Attempt at Style.

The blog, in fact, is how I “met” Nina, clicking though to her site after reading her comment on another modesty blog.

Nina photographs herself every day (yes, every day!), and posts about her outfits – with little musings about style, modesty, and life thrown in for good measure.

I was very interested in her choices because of her Jewish faith… well, let me get out of the way and let Nina tell you all about herself.

• Religious affiliation: I’m a Modern Orthodox Jew. For those unfamiliar with the many shades of grey within the umbrella of Judaism, this means that I adhere pretty strictly to traditional Jewish law and practice while being fully involved in the positive aspects of the secular world.

I attended a Jewish day school from K-12, spent a year post-high school studying Jewish texts in Jerusalem and then went off to a small secular liberal-arts college.

• Life Situation: I have been married for nearly 2 years to my wonderful husband, a future doctor (since he’s halfway finished with med school, we joke that he is a “doc”). I work for a small museum in Lower Manhattan, where I do research, lead walking tours and manage viral communication. I plan on going back to school relatively soon for a PhD in history and religion. We don’t have kids yet, but are excited to start a family together in the not-too distant future.

• How long have you been dressing modestly? (Were you raised that way?)

I grew up Orthodox, and as such, always had a sense of propriety and modesty even when wearing shorts and bathing suits. My current modesty code, which includes wearing skirts to the knee and to-the-elbow sleeves, was a choice that I took on after my year in Israel. After spending the year studying Jewish law, I dedicated myself to more stringent observance, the most superficially apparent of which was my wardrobe.

Covering my head started after marriage, in accordance with Jewish law. I cover my head, not my hair (basic disagreement in Jewish law about which is the thing to cover – most people side with authorities who hold that hair is the issue, but I follow authorities who believe that the majority of the head, not hair, must be covered.) When I wear a hat or scarf, that is my hair hanging down.

• Can you share a little about your journey to modest dress?

For me, modesty is less about espousing a specific notion of femininity and much more about affiliating myself with a community and lifestyle. In the Jewish world (well, my Jewish world – there are just so many incredibly diverse communities that it is hard to generalize) wearing a skirt and headcovering automatically associates you with those who care about Jewish law. This isn’t to say that those who wear jeans and go bareheaded don’t—in fact, many do—but at first glance, my dress lets people know about my observance level.

I won’t lie: it isn’t easy, especially in summer when everyone walking around is wearing cute little sundresses and shorts. Dressing as I do has become rote but I do remember that it is a choice I anew make each day.

Blogging about my “modest attempt at style” has been the best resource for me. It challenges me to be creative with my wardrobe instead of wearing the same thing every day, and has put me in touch with an inspiring network of women who do the same.

Here’s my darling princess, Jewel, age 5, climbing up the climbing wall at the Miami Children’s Museum.

She’s a brave climber, for sure.

But also, and more importantly here, it simply never occured to her to think that climbing a rock wall was something that you wouldn’t, couldn’t, or shouldn’t do in a dress.

Whyever would that stop you?

As proud mama watched from the shade…

Victory!

Today’s Modest Matron is – Tamara!

Tamara is a Reformed Southern Baptist, and describes herself as, “joyfully married to a godly man, recently celebrating our 9th anniversary, and have been blessed with 5 children- the 5th being due November 2010. We home educate our blessings and serve the Lord in a foreign land.”

Be sure to read through to the end, to read the incredible story of Tamara’s “silent witness” to her community of muslim women.

Her History:

I was not raised to dress modestly. I was raised by a single woman who, by default, took on the ideology of feminism and seduction that is so prevalent in this world. This was all that she really knew as well, and so it was all she could teach. I faithfully followed the world’s ideals of womanhood most of my life, but as I came to know the Lord as an adult, He began to faithfully renew my mind in every aspect of life. I praise Him for the grace to work with me, the desperate mess that I was, step by step, layer by layer. I did grow away from seduction to a great degree before marriage, but it was after marriage that the Lord began His greatest work of holiness and healing in my life.

To give an example to show how the Lord began working in my life, in college, I began to understand that the way which I dress can affect a brother negatively. I was broken over this fact, and asked a few brothers in Christ to come and search my wardrobe and tell me the things that might make them or another brother stumble, and those things were thrown into the trash in shreds. However, I still had MUCH to learn about my own heart and how deep my ideologies were held and why, and the repentance and growth have been constant and increasing the older I grow in the Lord. He is faithful to renew our minds with His Truth.

Being a first generation Christian, the undertaking of the Lord’s growing me in holiness and Truth has been a large one. Though I can say that I *am* free, I must also profess to be ever growing in the freedom for which Christ has made me free!

Her Mission Story:

My husband and I desired to be missionaries from the time of our courtship. Much work was to be done in our lives- understanding right doctrines, ridding ourselves of debt, repentance of sin, understanding biblical order in the Church and biblical order in the home, what true ministry even is, what is a godly man, what is a godly woman, what the Bible says to all of these things. We had a long road of seeking, searching, failing, repenting, rejoicing in abasements, being broken and chastened, being strengthened, growing, praying… and the culmination of our prayers was an answer of discipleship among a precious body of believers in Spring, TX a little over three years ago.

For 1 1/2 years we were among a true fellowship who strived to honor the Lord- something we’ve found to be uncommon amongst modern Christianity at large. This church was a place where the focus was not on the lost, as though they were the very Lord of the church, but where true discipleship of believers, Titus 2 and edification in love could be found. Disciples were made in order that they would be strengthened to GO OUT and make more disciples in the world. We soaked up much, and this is really where the greatest paradigm shifts began to occur in most all areas of our lives. None of the principles were radically new to us, but rather added to our understanding and to our ability to walk out the direction which we already were headed, striving to serve the Lord. As a woman, I saw truly godly ladies and learned much from them. And, after 1 1/2 years of that- BOOM! We were sent.

As we came to the place where we were sent, not by a group, not my a man’s will, but by the sheer hand of God to do dominion work, we grew even more grateful for all the ways that the Lord had transformed our minds, our family, and us as individuals especially in those precious 20 months we had at our home church.

Tamara’s daughters with a family friend

Her Testimony of Modesty:

Pertaining to modest dress, we were sent to a place of absolute religious legalism. It saddens us to see women who are so oppressed, or who adopt cultural norms blindly without fully grasping their implications or origins. Prisoners who do not know they are behind bars. And yet, they are drawn to us.

Freedom is beautiful, and Christ can shine through those whom He has set free! Everywhere we go, people take our pictures, pet our children and kiss them, watch us, and more than several times, we have seen groups of women following us- watching us in awe.

I am every bit as conservative as these women, but I am different: I am free, because of Christ my Lord. I may not cover all the way down to my wrists and ankles, and all the way up my neck, but my clothing frames my face and not my body. My face is not wildly painted, as some women here feel the need to do in order to assert themselves. I am not oppressed. My husband and I are always together, and I am the only apple of his eye!

Where we live, everything about us is drastically different, yet similar in certain aspects of principle, and it has struck me being here how blessed I was to learn what biblical beauty and femininity are and how to let those things shine for God’s glory. As we- my daughters and I- dress modestly, chastely, and yet beautifully and femininely, the glory of God shines through us and that is one way to lift up the Lord so that He can draw all men unto Himself!

Our freedom in Christ is not to do whatever we want, but a freedom to finally be enabled to do as we should and live to glorify God on whatever mission field we are placed!

I can bring God glory just by being His free woman; His lady- amazing!

This is something I hear all the time – from everyone from middle-aged women wearing low-cut shirts, to moms explaining their daughters’ too-short skirts.

(Seems to me that if you have to explain (justify?) something, that’s a sure sign of a problem!)

People say that they would like to dress more modestly, but “this” is all that they can find at the store.

I don’t buy that excuse for a moment.

I mean, yes, “that” is exactly what you’ll see if you look at the prominently-displayed items at any mass-market retailer these days… But it’s simply not as though there aren’t any other options.

Theoretically, we all know that people could sew their own clothes, but I realize that it’s not a realisitic option in many cases. Heck, it’s not a realistic option for me right now, living in the RV with my sewing machine in storage!

But there are still several viable options.

• Shop major retailers online. That same store you were just visiting in the mall? They have a much bigger selection online.
• Shop boutiques and specialty shops. There are both online and brick-and-mortar stores that cater to very specific needs, including modest clothing (defined variously!). Just type “modest apparel” or “long skirt” or something into a search engine, and away you go.
• Order clothing directly from a seamstress/small business. Bonus – you can often get things made to your exact measurements, as well as having “off the rack” options. My favorite store is Katie’s Mercantile – and it’s almost as cheap as buying garbage locally!
• Finally, and the thing that got me started on this post today: Think outside the box.

I was at one of those local stores, hoping to pick up a couple of inexpensive short-sleeved tops for me, to replace some that were just plain worn out.

The women’s section was very frustrating. Almost all the blouses had the exact same neckline – a collar, then plunge front down to the first button waaaaay down there, for a streamlined version of leaving the top few buttons undone.

Except, of course, that I don’t leave that many buttons undone!

How frustrating that they want to design away the very possibility of being modest.

Needless to say, I did not buy them, even though “that’s all there was.”

Instead I strolled across the aisle to the men’s department.

In no time at all I had a cute textured grey polo shirt, and a button-down shirt in a small green plaid (similar to this):

It’s not “girly,” of course, but I just needed a top to wear under the jeans jumper that Jewel and I just got in matching versions from Katie’s!

(I’m pretty sure that’s her in the photo. Click it to visit the store and check the selection!)

So now Jewel and I can step out together in modest style, on a budget, with no sewing required!

We only have one vehicle, so Wolf rides the bus/train/bus to get to and from work. Last week he came home with an alarming story, and the cell phone picture to prove it.

Dadeland Station is a transit hub. It is the South end of the train line, and a stop for all the area busses.

As he walked into the lobby one morning, he was greeted by an enormous round decal in the center of the floor – a swimming pool. And there, underfoot, life-sized or better, was a woman floating on a raft in a teeny bikini.

To see for yourself, you can View the Picture (naturally, this comes with my advisory that it is an immodest image).

I am aware that “most people” wouldn’t be offended by the picutre, which they would probably argue is entirely non-sexual. (Don’t get me started on how far society has slipped down the slope of accepting indecency!)

But I find it appaling that such a thing would be so rudely thrust “in your face” in a government agency location.

It is wholly unacceptable for the government to be so avidly promoting something which offends the morals and “strongly held religious beliefs” of a sizeable segment of the population.

Not to mention those people who have other issues:

• Men and boys trying to control their hormones (lust)
• Women who feel lowered self-esteem from the unfair comparison
• Those who might be triggered in their struggle with PTSD from past abuse
• “Sex addicts”
• Mothers who don’t feel it’s appropriate for the children they have with them
• People who find it disrespectful to be stepping all over a lady
• And on and on…

Yes, images like this (sadly) are “everywhere” today, but I find two main differences here.

One is the lack of ability to “opt out.”

Magazines and catalogs we can choose to keep out of our lives. I certainly don’t get lingerie catalogs, but I also don’t even get Lands’ End or other catalogs with swimwear (remember the Lands End Facebook debacle?).

Movies and TV we can choose not to watch. Billboards we have to look the other way.

But what about this?

In the lobby of the train station – a portal through which people must pass. And underfoot, where they must look at it at least somewhat (or risk tripping because they aren’t watching where they are going!).

This is far more… invasive? intrusive? forced upon you?

The second, touched upon above, is the government involvement.

By placing this ad in a County facility, the government is endorsing, sponsoring, and profiting from (a) immodesty and immorality, and (b) the discomfort and alienation of a lot of people.

Will you join me in letting them know this should be removed?

Mayor Carlos Alvarez
mayor (at) miamidade.gov

Michael De Cossio
Chief, Transit Advertising & Media Relations
Mike1 (at) miamidade.gov

Women in Our House wear skirts and dresses only, and I know that for a lot of you (even if God has been prickling your conscience about femininity) that seems odd, or too hard, or awkward.

Well, the lovely Miss Jocelyn (I interviewed her for a Modesty Monday) started a terrific feature over at her blog magazine Feelin’ Feminine: The Challenge.

Wear only skirts/dresses for a week (seven days). Mix and match to make outfits if you don’t have enough. Try a different hairstyle each day, too, just for fun.

At the end of the week, look back and compare it to your regular way of dress. These questions of Jocelyn’s can help you evaluate your week:

• How was the experience for you?
• Any particular stories?
• Did wearing skirts rather than pants affect the way you felt?
• The way you felt about yourself?
• The way you acted?
• The way you carried yourself?
• Were you able to go about everyday activity as freely as pants?
• How did people respond?
• Were you more respected?
• Did you feel more like a lady?
• After the challenge do you desire to keep wearing skirts more regularly, or were you desperate to wear pants again?

The Challenge has been such an inspiration that it is now a regular feature, hosted at a different fan’s blog each month. For March, we’re going to be walking through our week with Simply Sarah-Anne.

How about it?

Why not accept this challange, and give it a week?

Leave a comment and let me know if you’re walking with us. And I’d love to have your thoughts (and photos?) afterwards!

Wolf has been nudging me for a while to post more about the aspects of our beliefs that are furthest from society’s norms. While these are, of course, the things most likely to stir up controversy, they are also the things that most need to be said aloud.

I hadn’t really intended to jump into one right now, but I suddenly found myself in the middle of a Facebook controvery, so I figure the least I can do is share it here…

Checking in on my Facebook feed Tuesday, I was startled to see pictures of women in bathing suits parading across the screen. Yikes!

Turns out that this feed was from… Lands’ End.

Now, I don’t simply want to “un-fan” their page, if I have a choice.

I like thier high-quality products, and great service. I buy kids’ clothes from them, as well as outerwear and accessories. I just got a package from them, in fact, with some cute dresses, tops, and tights for Miss J that I snagged during their Winter Clearance.

Cute, eh? And modest…

Anyhow, I decided that the proper thing to do was to simply let the company know how I feel, so that they can decide how to proceed.

The Facebook feed is a very intrusive form of advertising, after all.

I can choose not to go to a crowded beach. I can choose not to watch TV and see that kid of ad. I can choose not to buy the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue (or Cosmo, or…).

And, even, if Lands’ End sends me an email with the subject “Summer 2010 Swimwear is Here!” I can choose to delete rather than open it…

But if they publish it on Facebook, those images pop up right before my eyes.

Unless I totally disconnect from them. As I discussed above, this means I don’t get the sale offers and such, and they lose me totally as a customer.

Maybe that’s not what they want. Certainly they could just as easily post a link to the swimwear photos, if they chose. But they have no idea that this is even an issue, I’m sure…

So, I told them.

I left this comment on the photos posted to my newsfeed. I was trying to keep it light:

Sure wishing I could receive news updates without seeing this on my home page… I know it defies the cultural norm, but in our house we try to avoid looking at women wearing nothing but underwear (and this is the same amount of coverage, kwim?).

How about a little nod to modesty?

Well, the response was rapid, violent, and offensive.

The comments (from men and women alike) suggested that I “have problems,” must live in a cave, have no business owning a computer, “need more hobbies,” and on and on.

Interestingly, there was a comment later in the thread from a Jewish gentleman who said,

Please do not send pictures of immodestly dressed ladies to my news feed. If you do it again I am dropping out of Land’s End.

…and nobody said a word to or about him. Hmmmm.

On the up side, there were some supportive folks who posted, as well as some who messaged me privately. A couple of women took the time to post comments with good explanations – which were simply ignored.

Later I posted a status update on my own feed asking my modest friends to let Lands’ End know how they felt (via the website, not by entering into the comment fray). Interestingly, even there, non-modest-dressing folks felt the need to pick up the debate.

If you would like to let Lands’ End know that they have other modest customers, you can leave a comment on their Facebook Fan Wall (no swim photos there!), or through their Corporate Feedback Form. UPDATE: You may email them directly at socialmedia@landsend.com.

Just to pre-empt some of the negative comments that will probably start showing up here, too, let me address some of the things that seem to keep cropping up in the current discussion threads:

• Why don’t I un-fan or Hide them, then just go check their page for sales and such? Well, you can say “it only takes 1 second…” but think about it, really: I’d have to maintain a list of the 20 stores I care about (or whatever). I type the first name in the search box, then click to get to their page. I read a few entries, seeing what’s new. Repeat ad nauseum. I simply do not have the time and energy to do that… And, really – what’s the point of Facebook, if I’m going to use it just like going to each store’s website every day?
• I have never suggested that Lands’ End shouldn’t have the freedom to sell (and even advertise) whatever they want. I have never suggested that you do not have the right to purchase or wear whatever you want. I am not trying to “impose my morality” on anyone – I am simply trying to provide Lands’ End some information about a segment of their current customer base, in relation to this brand new avenue of marketing. That way they can make an informed decision about how to proceed.

Sure, I know most Americans disagree with my definition of “modesty.” But I’ve got to say I find it weird that so many people are so offended by my comment… Isn’t it hyporitical to say that they have the freedom to show the pictures, but I don’t even have the freedom to make a comment about it?

Lands’ End may not choose to change, in the end, and then I will simply un-fan them and shop elsewhere, unless they happen to send a good offer to my email. It is not a “big deal” in my life.

But modesty is a big deal, and I will continue to speak up for it in public places. It is because we all sit quietly by, while having to flinch away from the racy images on highway billboards, that this kind of thing continues to escalate in our culture.

I wanted to use this Monday’s post to share with you a wonderful modest-dressing resource I recently discovered: Katie’s Mercantile.

You can “meet” the owner, Cathy, and her daughter, Katie, in a previous Modesty Monday post!

We began our modest clothing business in 1997. We had a difficult time finding clothing that met our own needs and thought perhaps other ladies had experienced similar challenges. Our first catalog “Country Clothes for Everyday Girls” offered custom made garments using the patterns we had developed for our own use.

This little business was much more successful than we ever dreamed was possible. In 2003 daughter Katie opened a retail store “Katie’s Mercantile” that offered the same clothing only ready made.

After Miss Katie became Mrs. Jeremy we closed the retail store and a neighbor put the entire inventory on the Internet

I was just tickled when I found this online store!

While sticking to a set of basics, they have a range of options from a “classic” dress to a cape-style dress, in sizes for women and girls. They also have jumpers, skirts, blouses, undergarments, nightgowns, head coverings… Even nursing clothing!

And their prices? VERY reasonable!

A lot of items are stocked, but they are also happy to make something to your specifications – being tall, I always have to have things longer, for instance.

This is *not* a paid, or even anticipated, review. I purchased a few items from Katie’s Mercantile just like any other customer, and was treated just like any other customer… Wonderfully, it turns out!

Because I was ordering nursingwear, and becase of my height/fit challenges, I emailed a few questions prior to ordering. Katie answered, and a lengthy email exchange began. She was wonderfully patient about explaining the fit of various things, the options available, and even sending pictures of an item not yet listed on the website (which turned out perfectly – see below).

So what items have I tried from there?

I have a Nursing Jumper, although it is different from the one shown. They are now doing a jumper that simply zips on the sides for easy access. If you’re like me and need a place to put your keys when juggling the kids, make sure to ask them to add pockets (which is no problem).

I also got the Nursing Nightgown, in a pretty green fabric. It’s delightful to have a nightgown like this, after making due with t-shirts all these years! I just wish the pleats were a little deeper, to provide coverage, as this is not suitable for wearing out of bed.

My order also included two headcoverings.

I got a white hanging veil:

The darts allow this to sit so nicely on the head, it stays in place beautifully!

…And a black lace “covering veil”:

I ordered this with extra length (it’s an oval, rather than a circle), and I usually wear this as my “dress up headcovering” for church.

My second order from Katie was for a slip, to wear with my jumper.

Although I’ve been wearing exclusively skirts for several years now, for some reason I have never run into this issue. All my skirts are denim, or heavy khaki, or velvety for dress, and so on… Thick fabrics that are neither clingy nor see-through.

Amazing the things you just never think about.

I did need to send one piece back for an alteration, and the Customer Service continued to be excellent – and speedy.

Thank you, Katie (and Cindy!), for this resource – it is truly a blessing to modest-dressing women!

This is the current splash-page ad from the Dockers website.

Click on the image to see it larger. Go ahead, read the whole thing… I’ll wait.

Wow! Who expected THAT?

If you agree that this is wonderful, I encourage you to tell them so (links to the Feedback for on the Levis site – their parent company).

Any company willing to speak out about gender roles deserves our support.