Archive for the ‘Church Life’ Category

Jewel attends Mission Friends on Wednesday nights at church, right after the Children’s Choir rehearses. She really enjoys her class.

Her teacher, “Ms. Elizabeth” (have I mentioned my frustration with children’s casual address of adults?), is wonderful… but now on an extended leave of absence. She also teaches preschool, and is taking a continuing education course that runs through December.

I didn’t find this out until the first week she was gone – two classes ago, when I noticed one of the Children’s Ministry staffers and one of the youth workers scrambling around in the supply cupboard, trying to put a lesson together.

Gritting my teeth, I emailed the Director and offered to take the class… as long as we could work out a few things:

• Wolf, R.T. and I will be team teaching. As much as I want to help Jewel and the big kids, I won’t do it at R.T.’s expense.
• We will be adding a Bible Verse memorization program, which Mission Friends does not have.
• The Director decided it was time to take the overdue step of splitting up the class. I will have a smaller group, and only 4’s and 5’s. (The 3’s will go into a younger class, to which they will add the 2’s that were in nursery care).

By the time everything was settled it was Wendesday afternoon, and suddenly I was the one scrambling around trying to put a lesson together at the last minute.

So my first session as Mission Friends teacher was frought with challenges.

• I was uneasy because I didn’t have everything well-prepared, well in advance. This just goes totally against my nature.
• The kids seemed to be unaware that Ms. Elizabeth was not going to be there, and were extra goofy and rowdy with a “substitute”.
• I am not called or gifted in the area of teaching kids. A formal classroom setting with a group of same-age kids is a world apart from educating your own children at home.
• The “Mission Friends” curriculum would not be my choice. It lacks a memorization component, which I think is essential. I also think (and watching thm last week reinforced this) that at this age kids need more emphasis on loving one another, obeying, Jesus loves me, and helping in tangible local ways… not hearing about strange people (the missionaries!) in strange places – abstract concepts that aren’t really getting through.

BUT…

And of course, it’s a biggie.

There is nobody else.

If I/we don’t take the class, they will struggle through the next nine weeks with an assortment of the teenagers paid as nursery help trying to make it up as they go.

I’m working on the theory that

God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called.

I hope this holds true even if I am only “called” by necessity, rather than a spiritual calling.

This week will be better…

• Scripture memory chart laid out
• “Classroom Rules” chart prepared
• Craft and snacks arranged and prepped
• No lag time for bored kids to drift off

Pray for me!

What would you say if someone asked you to do something that you found morally repugnant, and furthermore something that troubled you deeply on an emotional level?

Of course you’d say NO!

But, they argue, by doing this you are performing a service to many of your fellows!

Sorry, no. Right?

And what if the “someone” asking you was your church?

And no, we’re not talking about a weird cult. We’re talking about…

Nursery Duty

As part of this service to our church body, I am expected to (on a regular basis) peel a child off their mother and hold them, kicking and screaming, while she leaves.

I don’t want to be the instrument of pain to that child. I wouldn’t hit or push or pinch a child and make them cry, for goodness’ sake. It ties my stomach in knots when they wail and desperately cling onto their mama, and I’m supposed to yank them away and restrain them.

And furthermore, I fundamentally believe that that is a very wrong thing to do, even if you aren’t personally as squeamish about it as I am. I believe that it is potentially damaging to little psyches, who learn that mama and papa don’t respond if they’re upset, can’t be relied upon to be there for them, and generally don’t care.

I know that society today consoles itself with the idea that children “need to learn how to be independent”. Techniques such as this have been popularized along with “cry it out”, sleeping alone, and the like. Historically, however, this is not how human babies have been nurtured, and even modern science reveals some startling evidence for attached parenting (check out Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent’s Guide to Cosleeping by Dr. James McKenna – a MUST READ for every parent!).

As I’m sure you realize, there are a lot of Bible verses on parenting… Like here, in the Old Testament, straight from the heart of the Shema:

And thou shalt teach them [Laws] diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
- Deuteronomy 6:7

But nowhere in the Bible do I find parents called to turn over the responsibility for their children to someone else. Nowhere is there a Proverb about how to get rid of the kids and get some “quality time” to yourself.

In fact, in the New Testament we find this:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
- Ephesians 6:4

Which clearly, to me, says that – at least sometimes – people need to engage in that “parenting in the pew” rather than leaving hysterical children in the care of someone else.

The nurture of the Lord.

Isn’t that a beautiful picture?

When you call out in need – “Abba, Father!” is it your expectation, or even your fear, that God will shove you off His leg and run out of the room, so that He can go attend a worship service?

That’s not a pretty picture!

Children grow up. They just do.

They develop independece in their own good time, as God designed them.

I would like at this time, as a bit of anecdotal evidence, to refer you to my post A Little Validation on our Life on the Road family blog. In part, I observed:

I have been delighted lately to have had not one but several women who teach Jewel’s age group make a point of coming up and talking to me about her.

• “She’s always so happy!”
• “She’s an eager participant, and a delight to have in class!”
• “She never cries and makes a fuss when you drop her off.”

What a joy! 

Of course, I’m not shy in pointing out that the reason she is so secure as a 4 year-old is because I made her feel secure as a 1 year-old, 2 year-old, and 3 year-old by never forcing her to stay alone in the nursery.  She has a secure base from which to explore the world at her own pace, and trusts that I will always be there if there was a problem.

Which brings me back to my dilema of being an enabler of this poor treatment of children, by volunteering in the nursery.

On top of all of that, having my own child(ren) present means that they are witnessing this drama, and – beyond the inevitable upset that starts all the children chain-reaction crying – they are learning the obvious lesson that such behavior is acceptable, normal, and approved-of by me.

That’s not the way I treat my children, and it’s not the way I want them to treat my grandchildren.

So for their sake as well as mine, I need to

Just Say No!

Back on our old blog, I started a series that I believe hits some vital issues for Christian parents. I would like to continue that conversation here, but wanted to take a moment to catch our new readers up.

Here are the posts that started this topic:

• Baby Goes to Church (…or Doesn’t)
• More on Babies and Church-Going
• Baby at Church – the Ongoing Saga

We are working with the staff at our church to create a Family Nursery / Cry Room / Nursing Room, and it is very exciting to think that we  may soon be able to enjoy our worship together as a family even when Mr. Big Baby is fussy.

I’d like to share with you the outline that Leigh, the wonderful Director of Children’s Ministries at Wayside Baptist Church, shares with the parents of kids who are promoting to K-4 each September.

She shares her vision (like mine) for teaching children to worship and be a part of the Christian community — Just as we gradually teach them to be part of all other aspects of society! — and offers some great tips for doing so.

Hitting the Mark: Parenting Preschoolers in the Pew
 
I. Why are 4K children introduced into adult worship?
  a.  History — Until 6 years ago 4K children went to service with their parents at Wayside.  Extended session was added for children up through Kindergarten, however it quickly became clear that children in this age need both training from their parents to sit in church as well as programs like preschool Kidz Worship to bring spiritual truths to their level.
  b.  Vision for the ministry — It is clear that parents and the church must train and minister to children at the preschool age to stimulate their hunger for spiritual things.
  c.  Leadership attitude — Ministering to small children is a partnership and the church staff and leadership are encouraging and supportive of having preschool children coming to worship.

II.  Where do you start?
  a.  Where is your child spiritually?  Objectively look at where your child is spiritually and set a plan for training and expectations accordingly.  The church is not expecting your child to be motionless during an entire service.    Nor is it expected that he/she will comprehend what the whole sermon was about, but don’t underestimate what your child can “catch” just by being there.
  b.  Attitude — positive vs. negative—Remember your attitude about having your child in adult service will set the tone for how it will go.  If you make it an exciting, positive and growing up experience your child will respond to that.
  c.  Remember what you’re doing and why — Dying to oneself is the hardest thing to keep in mind.  Adults go to church to get spiritually fed and the distractions that can take place when you have your little one with you may make that difficult.  Training your child is always the higher call and the Lord will honor it.
  d.  Teamwork — You do not have to be alone in this endeavor.  Work with your spouse, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends.  The key to the team is that everyone should know the expectations of behavior you have for your child and stick to it.  This is a family responsibility.

III.  Today we go to “Big Church” — What to say
  a.  Before — Express to your child your expectations.  Then be prepared with a plan of action  including quiet activities, where to sit, and a convenient escape route in the event you need to step out.   Discuss rewards and consequences for church behavior.
  b.  During — Involve your child in the service as much as possible including having them stand and sit when the rest of the congregation does so.  Whisper to them what is going on to help them understand big church.
  c.  Afterward — Ask them what they liked and why, what was hard, how they think they behaved, etc.

IV.  It’s a matter of judgment
  a.  Where to sit —advantages/disadvantages—The balcony has many families in it and can be less disruptive if you have to leave.  The lower level front has the advantage of being up close to keep your child’s attention.  You may have to experiment to see what works best.
  b.  What equipment to bring — Have your child bring their Bible and a bag with quiet books and paper, coloring books and crayons.  These can keep you child’s hands busy and you may find they can actually listen better.  This is an ideal time to have Christian materials that are just for church.  Help your child find Bible verses the pastor is using.
  c.  If at first you don’t succeed…come back and try again!
    i.  When to call it a day — There may be a time when you feel like it is just not working out.  Your expectation of your child’s behavior will dictate when this is.  If you need to step out of service or go home, do so, but provide clear consequences so the child does not get the idea that misbehavior will get them out of going to church i.e. no TV for the remainder of the day.
    ii.  When to stick it out — It is a good idea to hold fast to the routine you establish of going to church with your child.  It will help you to hold out when you see that you are making progress.

V.  Recap
  a.  Your attitude toward this experience will make it good or bad.
  b.  Remember the goal is training up your child.
  c.  Keep working at it.  If you are diligent and consistent in your expectations and approach you will see results.
d. If you need help or encouragement please do not hesitate to call…